THE NIGHT I ALMOST GAVE MY LIFE FOR LOVE
I remember sitting on my bed in the apartment I shared with my two college roommates, neither of them were home. I held my phone in my hand and stared out the window into darkness as tears poured from my eyes. I had spent the last two hours binge calling my boyfriend only to receive no answer or call back. The hour was late and I realized that his time was being occupied by someone else, perhaps another female? My mind began conjuring up every negative thing I could think of.
Corine, duh he doesn't love you - no one does. Not even your own parents loved you (I grew up in foster care). You've never truly had a friend, you've always been the third wheel friend. Even the parent you have now doesn't love you, you're just a check to her. Kill yourself!
Every negative emotion I'd ever felt became real in that moment and began to suffocate me. I got a full bottle of pills and swallowed them all.
I remember paramedics shining lights into my eyes before rushing me to the emergency room where I was forced to drink and keep down the most disgusting liquid. When I threw it up I had to start all over again. Then I had to convince the suicide counselor questioning my sanity that I was stable enough to return home.
That night was monumental for me. I asked myself, how did things escalate so drastically? It wasn't until years later that I realized, that night ended the way it did because I breathed him, I lived him, I loved him so much I surrendered my heart to him.
I didn't know back then how powerful of an emotion love was. I didn't realize that love could blind, even though it was blinding me. I didn't know that love could suffocate, even though I was in the mist of suffocating. I didn't know that love could bring you face to face with death, even though I was stuffing pills down my throat.
I had to get to the point where I learned what true love felt like, not the kind that made me want to die, but the kind that encouraged me to live. Once I did, my life began to transform.
When I think back to that night, oddly enough, I'm glad it happened. It was a very important lesson I needed to learn and now I'm able to help someone else through a similar difficult situation. It's also what helped me to write my first book, A Small Piece of Her Heart. Though my book is not autobiographical or about suicide, I was able to draw off the extreme emotions I felt in surrendering my heart to the wrong one. I was able to write about what it felt like to be hurt so badly that I was unable to give any part of myself to anyone else. A Small Piece of Her Heart is for the girl who struggles with love, who sometimes loses a piece of herself in the fairy tale of love. I pray it touches hearts the way I intended.
Book available today here http://www.corinemarie.com/books.html
THE RELATIONSHIP PLAN
The hashtag RelationshipGoals has been widely used throughout social media. Whether it’s matching sneakers or being rich like Jay-Z and Beyoncé. Well, we all know, to accomplish a goal, a plan needs to be implemented.
Let us look at this from a business perspective, for a business to achieve long term success a plan must be put into place. Likewise with a relationship. If you want to have a successful relationship, you have to PLAN to have a successful relationship. A plan simply means you’re prepared. Are you prepared to have a successful relationship? If not, here are few questions you need to answer. Grab a pen and let’s start planning.
In a business plan, the executive summary tell why a business is uniquely qualified to succeed. In terms of a relationship, what makes you unique to succeed? Are you patient? Are you willing to grow? Are you selfless?
A business overview gives the history- how the organization was formed. What’s the history of your relationships and how can you use it to improve your future relationship?
In a business plan, the customer analysis section explains the target audience- who the business wants to attract. Who is your target audience? What kind of spouse do you ultimately want to attract?
A business competitive analysis section explains what advantages it has over the competition. Example- what advantage does Chick-fil-A have over McDonald’s? Enough to crush the whole empire in my opinion. What about you? What is it that’s sets you apart from everyone else?
A business marketing plan elaborates on the promotion strategy- what tactics will be used to attract customers. What’s your attraction tactic? How will you promote yourself to attract your desired spouse?
This section of a business plan details exactly how the business will run. Is there a certain way you want your relationship to operate? Plan out exactly how you want it.
Remember when writing out a business plan, one thoroughly thinks through all aspects of the business then comes up with a strategy for success. Your relationship plan should be thoroughly thought out in order to achieve ultimate success.
-Lucas & CorineMarie
Should Couples Have Access To Each Other’s Phone In A Committed Relationship?
Lucas and I asked this question on my Facebook page and opinions definitely differed. Before we give the consensus on this answer we want to give a little background on why we asked this question.
When Lucas and I first started dating back in 2007 I was still carrying some baggage. By baggage, I mean my previous boyfriend. Though I was completely done with him, I was still entertaining conversations with him. One night Lucas, who I was just dating at the time, went through my phone and saw some text messages between my previous boyfriend and myself. It was nothing too incriminating, just a couple “I miss you’s but we’ll never work” type of stuff. You know how it goes, sometimes you’re still breaking up even after you already broke up.
Now some would argue that Lucas, who I was just dating at the time, had no business going through my phone and I would agree. However, that was an argument we had to save for later. In that moment we had to deal with my wrong doings. I betrayed his trust and it became my job to fix it. In order to assure him that I was no longer talking to my previous boyfriend, I granted him an all access pass to my phone and that’s how the trust between us was restored. Today, we usually advise couples who are struggling with trust to exchange passwords to everything (email, social networks, phones) and leave that part of the relationship open but there’s often a lot of push back, so we wanted to get a general opinion on this topic.
Our fellow Facebookers weighed-in and here are their thoughts:
1. Access should only be allowed if you’re in love and in a committed relationship. HOWEVER, just because there is access granted doesn’t mean you have free range to monitor everything going on inside the phone. When your constantly looking for something bad even the smallest things will intensify.
2. Others said they firmly believe in personal privacy. They trust their mates and they don’t need passwords.
3. Others said if there is a problem with phone access being granted, it’s because they’re hiding something. There may not be cheating but there may be flirting going on in preparation of cheating.
As you can see, there is not a yes or no answer to this question. Each individual couple has to use their own discretion. However to weigh in our opinion, we feel that if the other person in the relationship needs validation because of something you have done to cause distrust, then it is absolutely your responsibility to validate them or be prepared to lose the relationship.
Lucas & CorineMarie
By: Lucas & CorineMarie
7 Steps To Fighting Fair In Your Relationship
1. Stay In The Ring
Do not allow your argument to spill out of your house and especially not onto social media. People love to watch fights and they generally don’t care who wins as long as they have their entertainment. Don’t let people use your relationship for their personal entertainment. If you value your relationship don’t put it in the court of public opinion.
2. Train For The Fight
Fights are inevitable in relationships so whether you are in a relationship now or you hope to be in one in the future, don’t forget to work on yourself. Before boxers step foot in the ring they spend months training and preparing themselves to reach their goals. If your goal is to have a happy, healthy relationship then you need to first heal from the fights you’ve had in past. Next you need to feed yourself the right things, read books, take classes, go to church and learn as much as you can about being a better you and that is what will lead you to becoming the Relationship Champion of the World.
3. Never Hit Below The Belt
You may want to hurt your opponent but it will cause you to lose in the end. Speaking rudely or negatively about your partners family and friends or hopes and dreams is just not right. When you say things just to hurt the person, your relationship is ultimately what suffers.
4. Fights Should Not Last All Night
Never let a fight last too long. Boxing matches are generally 10 to 12 rounds, that last three minutes a piece. If the fight lasts too long let a judge or trusted third party decide who was right and who was wrong, don’t be surprised if you both were at fault.
5. Use A Referee
Whenever Possible Having an unbiased third party who can help keep the fight clean and ultimately help judge right and wrong can stop a fight from becoming too ugly. This could be a counselor, a pastor, or a mutual friend but it has to be agreed upon by both parties. Your best friend is probably not going to be a fair judge.
6. Remember Who’s Fighting
Having people who care about you, who will always be in your corner is great but they are not the ones in the relationship. So remember what they have taught you but never forget what you are fighting for. It’s your relationship that is on the ropes. It’s your heart that could be broken. How you handle a fight is ultimately up to you.
7. The Goal Is A Knock Out
Your goal is to knock out an issue or problem not to knock the other person out of the relationship. Too often, we get so caught up in winning that we actually end up losing. A good fight in a relationship ends in a draw. When both people have shared their feelings equally and both understand where the other person is coming from that is when issues get knocked out and people grow closer. At the end of the fight you should be able to show love and thank the other person for the spirited yet respectful fight. Fights should heal rather than hurt your relationship and they should never become physical.
It’s time to admit that in the past you beat yourself. You went into a relationship still hurting and injured from the past, you had negative people in your corner, you took the fight out of the ring and onto social media, you often hit below the belt, and technically you knocked yourself out. You disqualified yourself from having a Happy, Healthy, Relationship.
Lucas and CorineMarie